When Risqué is Okay

Marriage, Reviews

“When Risqué is Okay” by Clint Caviness – Review

This book came out a while ago and caused quite a stir. I decided to order it and find out what all the fuss was about. I understand it now.

Good things

1) It gives a picture of Christian marriage that is the exact opposite of what people think it is supposed to be.  It shows that Christian marriage can be exciting, passionate, intimate, and provocative. For me, this is a wonderful step in the right direction.

2) It addresses controversial issues like lingerie, oral sex and other things, and isn’t afraid to mention them.

3) It explains very well the physical needs of a man in a way that women will be able to understand.

4) It has some excellent chapters intended for engaged couples, as well as good suggestions for parents for dealing with their kids.  The book is appropriately “rated” M for Married.

5) He makes an incredible case at the beginning for the need of a book like this.  There is no doubt after you read the beginning that Christians need to have this area addressed in a helpful, biblical way.

Not so good things

1) From my perspective, it is very disorganized and doesn’t introduce topics in a gradual or logical way.  It talks about specific marital aids suddenly without ever explaining it or talking about it.  The same thing with certain techniques.  At times he builds a good biblical foundation, but then puts a building block out of place or skips a step. You need to logically explain these things to those who don’t know what they even are or think of them as wicked.

2) The author’s writing style is crass at times.  He talks about “sittin’ on the pot” and things like that.  Some men will not have a problem with that kind of “in your face” or “talkin’ with the guys” approach, but it will definitely turn a lot of women readers off to what otherwise would be good information. 

It seems almost like the book is a transcription of audio messages, and I know from experience that what breaks the ice in a room full of nervous listeners doesn’t always translate well into written form. In fact, if he was speaking to a men’s group, it might have worked fairly well. But in a book, it comes off as too “in your face” and rude. I have to think most ladies will not appreciate it. This spoils the book for me recommending it for most people.

I would agree with most of the standards in the book, but the mode of delivery isn’t my style. There are also pictures on a lot of the pages. None of them are sinful, but some are crass: picture of a toilet seat, a rhinoceros wearing a thong in part of a chapter dealing with feeling like you’re too fat, etc. (what in the world???) Again, maybe some men might think it is funny, and that’s fine.  But I think the value of the book is limited by this factor.

3) It assumes that all men are the same. Maybe that comes from the fact that he’s writing from his own perspective.  There are some excellent observations, but they are not all 100% accurate for all men.  I know because I disagreed with some of them.

Overall

It is a book I’m glad I read and own.  I think it could have been written more gently, more respectfully.  I am not saying it should be less explicit; I did not find it too detailed at all.  It was more the crude humor employed in parts of it.  I wish the same information was packaged differently.

I’m saddened that the ruckus seemed to be about the subject matter and the “inappropriateness” of a Baptist pastor addressing these issues. Actually, if Bible-believers don’t address these issues, we are leaving it to the godless by default. I don’t like the tone, but he is to be commended for being unafraid to tackle this needy area with specificity.